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On the drive home with my daughter, Ava looked up at me and said in her small, milky voice, "Mommy, you should divorce Daddy."
I nearly lost my grip on the wheel.
"Ava, why would you say that?"
She tilted her head like she was working through a math problem. "Because I don't think Daddy loves us at all. He only loves Sofia and Sofia's mommy, Tiffany."
"You don't say it, but I know, Mommy."
"Last time Daddy got his bonus, you wanted to sign me up for that science camp I really wanted. But Tiffany cried, and Daddy gave all the money to them."
"And on your birthday, Daddy booked that little cabin by the lake. But Tiffany said Sofia needed family time, so Daddy gave the cabin to them and took us to some random brunch."
"And the family shared album. He keeps removing you. And every time, you have to apologize first before he adds you back."
"Mommy, if you're staying with him for me, I don't want that."
Her eyes reddened, but her voice stayed steady. "I'd rather have just you, as long as you're happy."
Before she finished, tears were already streaming down my face.
That night, at the Independence Day picnic, Ava reached carefully for the last perfect toasted marshmallow on the tray.
Sofia shrieked, "That's mine! I called it! That one's mine!"
Chris didn't bother asking what happened. He pulled out his phone and removed me from the family shared album and the streaming family plan.
The ninety-ninth time.
Then Tiffany sat on the picnic blanket and posted something right in front of me. A photo of her and Chris sitting side by side on the grass. Their backs. Her caption read: *Five years later and some people still can't fit in. Guess who.* đ
I found Ava in the tent.
She was curled in the corner, shoving her fingers down her throat, crying, trying to spit the marshmallow out.
"Mommy... I spit it out... Is Daddy not mad anymore... Will he love us the same as Sofia now?"
I lunged for her. Dropped to my knees in the tent, on the grass, pulled her hands gently from her mouth, and held her so tight.
"Baby, stop. It's not your fault. None of it is."
She shook, sobbing. I cried too. Silent.
That was the moment. I knew.
I set the picnic plate down. Picked up my daughter.
"This family group has no room for me. So this family? I don't want it either."
Chris froze for two seconds. His beer bottle stopped mid-air.
"What did you just say?"
I held Ava. My voice was flat. "I said I want a divorce."
Sofia set her marshmallow down immediately. Her eyes lit up. "Dad, just let her go! If she leaves, you can marry my mom again!"
Chris shot her a look. "Sofia, stay out of this."
Sofia pouted but couldn't keep the excitement off her face. She muttered, "She was never one of us anyway. Good riddance. Then my mom can come back."
*Never one of us.*
Five years married to Chris, and Sofia had never called me Mom. Barely even called me Irina. She called me "that woman." Or, when Chris was around, just "her." A pronoun. And Chris never corrected her. Like he never heard it.
He set his beer down and walked over. His voice dropped into that reasonable tone he used whenever he was about to lecture me. "Irina, what's wrong now? Because I removed you?"
I didn't speak.
He sighed. That *what am I going to do with you* look. "Come on. Tell me. Whose fault was it this time?"
Ava shrank in my arms. Her small hand clutched the sleeve of my T-shirt.
Chris glanced at her. "She knew Sofia likes toasted marshmallows and still grabbed the last one. You're her mother. You should be teaching her to share, not defending her. I say two words and you're upset?"
I stared at the marshmallow Ava had spit out. Something cold settled inside me.
When Sofia screamed "That's mine," the tray was already empty. She'd eaten all of hers. The last one? She said she didn't want it anymore. Only then did Ava reach for it. Carefully. The second she had it, Sofia changed her mind.
Chris was chatting with his friends. He removed me from the family group without a word.
The ninety-ninth time.
He took my silence as guilt. His voice hardened. "Sofia is ours. We adopted her together. You're supposed to take care of her. But here you are, five years in, and when have you ever treated her like your own? You're fighting over food now."
"If you gave Sofia even half the attention you give Ava, none of this would've happened today."
Favoritism.
I remembered when I first married in. Sofia was five. She couldn't sleep at night, crying for Tiffany. I was the one who held her, night after night. Sang to her. Read her favorite picture books until she fell asleep.
Then Ava was born. I was so terrified Sofia would feel left out that I gave her more attention than my own child. One night she spiked a high fever. Chris was on a work trip. Tiffany didn't come. I took her to the ER alone and sat in that waiting room chair the whole night. Ava wasn't even two. I left her with a neighbor. When I got back the next day, she'd cried herself hoarse.
And now, in their mouths, I was the one who "never treated Sofia like my own."
Chris saw I still wasn't talking. His voice softened a fraction. "Alright, Irina. Let's not drag this out. Have Ava go apologize to Sofia. A proper apology. From now on, pay attention to sharing. Then I'll add you back."
"I'll watch her for a few days. If she behaves, we'll put this behind us."
I looked into his eyes. The same eyes that, when we first met, made me feel safe. Warm. Like someone I could lean on. I knew he was divorced. Knew he had an adopted daughter. My mother took my hand and said, *"Mija, are you sure? His ex-wife still circles around him. That child isn't yours. If you marry into that, the hurt you suffer, I can't protect you from."*
I didn't listen. I thought if I tried hard enough, loved hard enough, we'd become a real family.
Five years. I was still the outsider who could be removed from the family account whenever it suited them.
"Chris. In your heart, am I ever really your family?"
He blinked. "Of course you are, Irina. What are you talking about?"
"If I am," I cut him off, "why is there no room for me in a shared account?"
His brow furrowed. For a split second, genuine confusion crossed his face. "But we always fixed it before. You apologize, I add you back. It's always worked."
Before. Yes. I always apologized. Always compromised. Because I loved him. Because I wanted to belong. Then Ava was small, and I wanted to give her a whole family. Now? I was just tired.
"Chris, this is the ninety-ninth time. Every time I don't please Sofia or Tiffany, you remove me without even asking. And Tiffany? You've been divorced six years, and she's still in the family group."
"So who exactly is your wife?"
His face changed.
"You're jealous again? Tiffany is in the group because of Sofia. For contact purposes. It's that simple."
For contact purposes. I laughed. My eyes burned. "And me? Every time I'm removed, I have to grovel to her. Grovel to Sofia. Bow my head and apologize. Just so you'll add me back."
"Five years, Chris. Have you ever once thought about how that feels for me?"
He went quiet.
Ava suddenly squirmed out of my arms and ran to the picnic table. She grabbed the marshmallow with both hands. "Daddy, don't be mad at Mommy. It was my fault. I'll give it back to Sofia."
She pushed it forward. Her hands were shaking.
I ran to her. Dropped down. Held her hands. "Ava, it's not your fault, baby. Put it down."
She collapsed against my shoulder, sobbing so hard she could barely breathe. Her face flushed red.
Sofia rolled her eyes nearby. "See, Dad? Drama queen. That's exactly how that woman teaches her."
Chris sat there. Didn't move. Frowned. "Irina, look at what you're doing. Teaching her to use tears to manipulate adults."
He was her father. She was crying. He didn't walk over. Didn't ask, "Baby, are you okay?"
Last fall. Sofia fell during a school rehearsal and scraped her knee. Chris got a call from the teacher, left work immediately, and carried Sofia straight to the pediatric ER. He stayed for every test.
Ava was tripped by Sofia. She hit her forehead on the corner of the coffee table. Blood streamed out immediately. Chris took one look. "Kids fall, Irina. Stop being dramatic."
I held Ava alone in a rideshare to the ER. Four stitches. She cried the whole time. I kept one hand on her and sent Chris messages. He didn't reply until the next day. One sentence: "Why didn't you just call me?"
Like it was my fault.
The memory slammed into me. I picked Ava up.
Chris leaned back in his chair. He thought I was about to fold. "Irina, take her inside. Calm her down. When you come back out, both of you apologize to Sofia and we'll settle this."
"And grab me a drink after. Tiffany said she wants the lemon water today."
I didn't answer.
I carried Ava toward the car.
Behind me, Sofia wheedled, "Daddy, it's better if she leaves. Tonight it'll just be the three of us!"
Chris's voice floated over, edged with irritation. "Sofia, enough."
But he didn't call my name. He didn't stand up.
---
Inside the car, I shut the door. Ava was strapped into her car seat, still hiccuping.
My phone buzzed. Notification from our private family sharing account. Chris had just added me back.
I stared at it for three seconds.
Then I opened the settings and tapped "Leave Family Group."
I blocked his number.
Then I pulled out my phone and called the Reyes house.
My mother picked up on the first ring. "*Mija?* What's wrong?"
I opened my mouth. Nothing came out. No explanation. Just, "Mom, I'm getting a divorce."
Silence on the other end. Two seconds. Then my mother's voice, choked tight with tears she was holding back: "Did he hurt you?"
Four words. The dam broke.
"Mom, I'm so tired. You were right. I could never fit into that family."
My mother didn't ask questions. She just said, "*Mija*, come home. A divorce isn't the end of the world."
In the background, my father shouted, "Irina! Dad's here! Bring Ava home and I'll make tamales, the kind you love!"
I held the phone. Tears kept falling.
From the backseat, Ava leaned forward and patted my shoulder with her small hand. "Mommy, can we really go to Grandpa and Grandma's?"
"Yes." I wiped my face and started the car. "After Mommy takes care of some things, we'll go."
Chris didn't come looking for me that night. Like every other time. He figured if he let me stew, I'd come crawling back to apologize first.
He didn't know. This ninety-ninth time, I was done swallowing pain for both of us.
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